One of the things I learned at yoga was this:
The greatest services you can do for the world is to heal yourself. Why? Because unless you are well, you cannot help others.
As a girl from the Midwest, steeped in a puritan world-view, self care was basically an indulgence. Taking care of yourself made you that horrible word a person would never want to be associated with: selfish.
But at yoga, I learned that self-care was the opposite of selfish. It was a sacred duty.
I believe that this idea comes from an aspect of the yoga teachings that is blurred together with the ideas of karma and dharma. Dharma is your life’s sacred work. And, we all have things to learn. So, the work of healing our hurts and traumas so that we can be the best version of ourselves, well, that is our highest calling in life.
I learned another thing at yoga, too:
You are enough.
Have you heard this? I bet perhaps you have. It’s another, well, frankly, subversive idea, because everywhere in our lives we are taught the opposite. Never is a person smart enough, thin enough, good-looking enough, ripped enough, wealthy enough, loved enough…
So, where does this idea—you are enough—come from, you might ask?
Another mish-mash teaching, yogic, Buddhist, who knows, they all are second-cousins once removed after all, BUT! The essential teaching, as I’ve understood it, is that at your heart, you are divine. And, well, the Divine, is pure good, right? So you must be pure good, right? And, well, THAT’S enough, of course!
Ah. Here’s where I get tangled.
And here’s where I think that many seekers do what we call a spiritual bypass, which is basically a feat of logical distortion to keep everything looking really pretty.
Let’s back up. I think that “you’re enough” is a very good, very effective way of getting everybody to calm the fuck down, and stop questing, and perhaps even to look at WHAT really IS.
Right? Because if you stopped trying to be something that you’re not, you could get accustomed to who and what you really are. And “you’re enough” is a way of saying “hey, you’re O.K. just the way you are, so relax a bit, and just be yourself.”
This is a good thing. If people stopped trying to be something that they are not, I think that our world would be a much more transparent place. And, people would know themselves for a change.
But this attending idea that everything that you’ll find when you look inside is good, and cool, and beautiful…? Well, that’s where everything goes sideways.
There’s another reason people quest to be something else. It’s because if they really did the hard work of looking inside, they might find something they didn’t like. Sometimes you already know this, even without looking too far. You look in the mirror and wince. And then put on a full face of makeup. It’s like that, but looking INSIDE, instead of outside.
So, what if you looked inside, and you discovered that you are truly an asshole. And all these years you’ve been trying to tell yourself that you’re not? Is that “divine,” or “enough” to be a jerk?
I tend to think that the idea Our Creator is inherently loving is specious. I end up more on the Taoist end of things: nature is all things. It’s death AND life. It’s good AND evil. I’ve learned somewhere from someone that the original energies that formed us keep us in the dark about what we truly are, because if we knew that were are Divine, we would not have the very human experiences that we do. Creator has no body, see, and wants to experience EVERYTHING. All the good things and all the bad. And, I think, the only logical answer for why that might be, is that Creator is ALL THINGS. Not just, selectively benevolent, and good…
So, in truth, I think that it CAN be divine to be a jerk. The real question is, are YOU O.K. with knowing that you are a jerk, and living your life as such? Is it “enough” to be a jerk? Is your “healing” life’s work accomplished if you accept your jerk-like nature? It’s really up to you, I’d say, and this—the deciding—is part of the quest. Working to become a “better” person, if that’s your wish, or fully embracing who and what you are. JERK. After all, a scorpion never tries to be a canary. The folly is yours if you ever expect a scorpion to behave like a canary. But, if you realize that you are a scorpion…are you ready to deal the consequences of being yourself…?